The driver claimed he was on his way to make early deliveries of Christmas presents around the world via Heathrow Cargo Terminal. His usual vehicle - a hypersonic flying sledge and reindeer team - had broken down due to a failure in the space-time matrix. He was therefore using a more reliable form of transport - an Austin Lichfield - that he had borrowed from outside a house in west London. However, as it was unable to reach the unfeasibly high speeds of his flying sledge he had to make special arrangements in advance of Christmas.
What attracted the attention of the police was that the car and driver both appeared to be “lit up” and were travelling at what an officer described as “a reckless but not illegal speed” in a narrow icy lane. A breath test was negative. After the owner of the car was contacted the police released Mr Klaus with a formal warning and no other penalty.
It has emerged that the Backup Christmas Present Distribution System makes use of markets around the world and employs fathers to make the final delivery and that this system has been used frequently in the past. Indeed the hypersonic flying sledge has become so unreliable that the “backup” system has become the normal means of Christmas present distribution and for many years Mr Klaus has chosen to use an Austin Ten to make deliveries to his primary distribution points.
Until now the system had remained secret - with good reason. According to the leaked document the US Ambassador to London reported to President Obama that “The contract between Mr Klaus’s company WILCO and TESCO for deliveries in the USA contains no sanity clause and therefore appears to be in direct breach of US Federal Law - The Bros-Marx Act of 1935."
However, he warned that legal action“Could undermine belief in The American Dream” and “Damage the World Economy by throwing thousands of little people out of work”.
When contacted at Hamleys and asked to comment Mr Klaus said “Ho Ho Ho.”
Santa Sledge Shock
Santa photo by Monty Mumford
Story courtesy of the Editor - Austin Federation Newsletter.
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